Those Words given by My Parent Which Saved Me as a Brand-New Father

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

One-time Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her main carer while also caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he burnt out. It was a conversation with his parent, on a public seat, that helped him see he required support.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You need assistance. In what way can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His story is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate between men, who still hold onto harmful perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to accept they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a break - spending a short trip abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and listening to her.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has transformed how Ryan views parenthood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The concept of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound trauma resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions caused him to make "poor choices" when younger to modify how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to things that don't help," he notes. "They can briefly alter how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mind is coping.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising you is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the death, having had no contact with him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men because they confronted their issues, transformed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I said, on occasion I think my job is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are in this journey."